Sirius Corruption of the System: a Journal
by First of the Geeks
Summary: I am just your above average seventh year who likes to conduct converstaions about nether bits in public and can't seem to stop mildly stalking a sixth year Ravenclaw. But no matter, I'm still sexy. SBOC
1. Chapter 1

**July 18  
James' Bedroom  
Sometime around 2:00 AM**

I have decided to start a journal!

…

Picture that in a booming voice and you'll be able to properly imagine the magnitude of this momentous occasion. I mean, it's not every day that a young, viral, mentally stable – I say this because I'm certain that Severino keeps one of these, and he is most definitely _not_ stable- starts writing a journal. But since this is the summer before my _last year at Hogwarts, _and sure to be filled with amazing things, I might as well write it down so I can preserve it forever and ever.

I mean, James and Remus and Peter and I already have a list of pranks written down, and they're bloody _fantastic_. There's that one with the galoshes, and the one with the dust, and the other one with the… back shaving.

I would write all of them down, but I'm afraid that someone would find this and read it and find out my secret plans for total Hogwarts Domination. And that, coupled with the fact that they would find out absolutely _everything_ about me, courtesy of this here journal, would surely send me spiraling to the deep end.

So I'm going to keep those to my self, thank you very much.

Also, I can't remember half of them. So there ya go.

…

Is that pancakes that I smell? Hmm, must go investigate.

* * *

**July 20  
Potter Parlor (which is fun to say)  
A time that involves lots of sun**

Uh…. Yesterday… sat around with James and considered going to Diagon Alley for supplies. This never happened as I somehow, accidentally, not in the least bit on purpose, managed to explode a cupboard filled with apparently extremely expensive plates.

…

But I swear, I didn't do it on purpose. I wouldn't do a thing like that.

I just didn't turn the other direction when I saw that I was running towards it.

And you'd think that Potters –James excluded, the smashing chap that he is- would realize it was all just a mistake and let us go to Diagon. But noooooooooooooooo, they made us stay home and "Think about what we'd done".

Honestly, you'd think I'd killed a man for all the fuss they put on about it. It was just an accident.

…

Oh, who in Merlin's Beard am I kidding? They damn plates were some kind of ugly, let me tell you. They managed to cram butterflies, gnomes, and NAKED MEN on them and still have it be considered "art". And when a young, strapping man like myself sees them and becomes offended by their ugliness, and then decides to do away with them –the proper thing to do, if I do say so myself- THAT YOUNG MAN GETS IN TROUBLE!

There is something seriously corrupted within the system.

And it's probably me.

* * *

**July 28  
Guest Bedroom that I Suppose is Mine.  
Niiiiiiiightime.**

So… the past week was… uneventful. Managed to be a peaceful little darling –I think I scared James _and_ Mr. and Mrs. Potter- and STILL HAVE NOT BEEN ALLOWED TO GO TO DIAGON ALLEY.

This is a travesty! A travesty, I tell you. A TRAVESTY!

….

But have no fear, I plan on sneaking out tomorrow.

NO ONE SHALL KEEP ME FROM THE PURSUIT OF DUNGBOMBS!

* * *

**July 29  
My Bedroom  
Its around 3:00 AM**

Snuck out. Managed to snog four girls _and_ get the dungbombs. Night went well.

G'Night.

* * *

**August 6  
James' Room  
Does it matter?**

James is standing in front of the mirror fluffing up his hair and asking whether or not this look makes him look sexier.

Must catalog this for future making fun of opportunities.

* * *

**August 13  
My Room  
3:12 AM**

Nothing interesting going on. Started dating Bethany today. _Broke up_ with Bethany today, as I realized that her high-pitched laugh was probably dangerous for my ear drums.

Then I kissed her friend Annabelle, and got her sister's number. (Even though I already had it. Eh, no matter.)

So life is basically the same.

* * *

**August 15  
My Room  
2:06 PM**

Hi.

…

See, I wrote something down.

* * *

**August 30  
My Bedroom  
4:02 AM … I think.**

So.. I haven't written in here in a while. I have learned that it is somewhat hard to write down every meaningless detail in my life. But no matter, James and I leave for school tomorrow and I have decided to write down in here as much as possible during the year so as not to forget anything that happened.

But as for now, I have to go and pack. And find my books. And clean my socks.

So I'll get back at you later.

* * *

**September 1  
Train Compartment  
5:26 PM**

So let me tell you about the AMAZING thing that just happened out in the train corridor. Myself and the rest of the Marauders were sitting around, just minding our own business, sharing stories of what we did over break, when all of a sudden an extremely greasy head walked passed our compartment.

"Well, hey," I said, poking Remus in the ribs. "Did you just see Snivelus walk passed here?"

"Yes," he shrugged, awful prat that he is. As if he didn't care about what happened last year! "And I think we should let him alone."

James, of course, made him see reason. "Let him alone? Remus, don't go playing all innocent just so he wont tell anyone about… you know. If he didn't say anything last year, he's not going to say anything now." When Remus just gave him a blank look, he rolled his eyes and motioned to me. "C'mon Padfoot. We'll take care of Sevvy for Remus."

And so we got up and left, ignoring Remus' disapproving sigh –when is that guy going to lighten up? I mean, he may be a werewolf, but that doesn't mean he can go living his life with a flaming poker rammed up his arse- and went in search of Severino. We found him soon enough, considering how everyone hates him and he was forced to have a compartment all to his lonesome. As soon as we walked in he sent us a scowl and sneer that I'm sure he's been practicing for months and months. And then PROCEEDED TO WALK OUT OF THE COMPARTMENT AS IF WE WEREN'T STANDING THERE!

Honestly! The nerve of that smelly arse! No one walks away from Sirius Black!

So of course James and I followed and hexed the Slytherin out of him. We used a new spell that James concocted over the holidays, and it worked better than expected. He flew down the bloody corridor!

James and I laughed our arses off, let me tell ya. I don't think I've ever see anything quite so funny as the already batty –haha, double meanings, anyone?- Severus Snape flying through the air.

Actually, I have, but that's besides the point. And anyway, there's more to the story.

Where was I? Oh, yes, the slimy Severino flying. Yes, well, he flew, and James and I laughed extremely hard, and then he landed right as this girl –later learned to be one Pippa Rightwing- was opening up her compartment door. And then, I swear to Merlin, she _squeaked_ and tried to close the door.

Except… hahahaha, I'm still laughing…. Except Mr. Slimy's hand was apparently stuck in the doorway and she ended up closing the door _on his hand_, thus causing him to freak out and start KICKING AT THE DOOR!

Honestly! I've never seen the man go so psychotic! It was _magnificent! _And just as I was going to put the poor girl out of her no-doubt fear-filled existence, Remus came out of _no where_ and muttered another spell that had Sevvy-poo on the compartment floor again.

And since I was extremely excited about James' spell working, I laughed extremely hard and then walked over to the prone body of one Mr. Severus Snape. Only when I got close, I realized he was being kicked in the side by the same girl that had probably broken his fingers.

I was just about the say something about her being a vicious little wench when I got a good look at her.

And got semi-turned on.

Let me just set something straight right now, OK? OK. So… I know that I generally only go out with extremely "smokin'" individuals, but I am attracted to most any girl. Especially those girls that have a "hidden beauty". I've learned that those girls are generally more fun to be around, as you never knew when that beauty was going to show up.

Plus, they're generally more likely to do stuff with you as they don't have thousands of guys vying for their attentions.

…

So I suppose I'm not _entirely_ noble. Though I never claimed to be. That would be disastrous for my reputation. I have to be the _stuuuuuuuuuuud_.

So anyway, let me tell you about the looks of this girl. She's one of those short girls that are really fun to stand next to as they have to look up at you with their big eyes –this girl has an interesting shade of blue. She also seemed to be one of those fascinating innocently-attractive girls, as she had mousy-brown –I think that's what it's called- hair and a pair of glasses on her nose. And she had a nice little figure –if I do say so myself. And believe me, I _do_ say it- with these _giant_ breasts that I would be interested in further investigating.

However, I don't think she feels the same way about me.

'Cause when I came up to her, saying something about the spell working, she just looked up at me with a blank look that basically said, "Well, who the Hell are you and why are you looking at me?" You know, the Ravenclaw Look.

And so, since she was looking at me like that, and people just DO NOT look at Sirius Black like that I asked, "Who the Hell are you?"

And she just looked up at me and said, "I'm Pippa Rightwing." And then she GLARED AT ME. SERIOUSLY! SHE GLARED AT ME! WHO GETS OFF GLARING AT ME? NO ONE, THAT'S WHO!

…

OK, I think the freaking out is done now. Though must say, I do look rather charming when I'm angry.

Hmm….

…

What was I talking about?

Oh, yes, the girl. Right, well, afterwards, she asked me who I was, and just as I was about to look at her like she was crazy –who doesn't know who Sirius Black is? Honestly- I heard the disgusting voice of Sevvy coming from the ground.

"He's a bloody dead man. And you will be one too, once you stop showing me your nether bits."

Honestly. Nether bits. Who in their right mind says "Nether bits"?

I just rolled my eyes at his stupidity.

Oh, wait, Sevvy _isn't_ in his right mind. _That_ explains it.

Heh. That was pretty funny. I'm going to have to tell James that.

…

James thinks it was funny too. See, I knew I was amusing.

Right, well, after that the girl squeaked again –which is pretty amusing too. I mean, I'd known her for about three seconds and she had already squeaked twice- and dove into her compartment. And BatMan, being, well, BatMan, he smirked on the ground as if making a poor little Ravenclaw embarrassed was the highlight of his life. And, if I think about it, it probably was. But anyway, since I can't stand the smelly git, _or _a weepy female, I looked down at him and said, "Really, Sevvy, she'll be a dead _woman._"

And then a thought occurred to me. If The Slimy Ponce of Death had seen up the girl's skirt, then he _must_ have seen what was up there. And why would he lie? I mean, he is a dumbarse, but he _must_ know the differences between the male and female bodies. His father must have sat him down and had that talk with him _years_ ago. So really, I had to ask.

I think I said something along the lines of, "Unless, of course, you saw something underneath her robes to make you say otherwise," and looked at the girl who was still huddled up on her seat looking mortified. "Oi!" I said, just to get her attention. "You there! Are you a man or woman?"

…

Looking back, it was a _slightly_ rude thing to say. But really, it wouldn't do for me to go lusting after a _boy_. I mean, that's just messed up.

Apparently, the girl –Pippa- thought so too, as she just glared at me. AGAIN! THE NERVE OF THAT GIRL!

So I think it's only right that I looked at her and said, "And here I was, just trying to be friendly to a girl who obviously has no friends at all."

This is the point when I realized that, if the girl was brutal enough to kick Sevvy when he was down AND break his bony, creepy-looking fingers, then she was certainly brutal enough to try and hex me into oblivion. Thankfully I was saved from having to hex her before she got around to doing me in by James showing up. And he lightened the atmosphere up quite neatly by asking why Snivelus was on the floor moaning. After saying it was because he had seen Pippa's 'nether bits' –really, that is one of the most amusing things I have ever heard- James looked at her and suggested she get a therapist.

She looked like she was about to glare again –she doesn't talk much, this Pippa Rightwing. But then again, she _is_ a Ravenclaw. They are known for their quiet natures- but then she stopped suddenly and dove into her compartment.

All of us stood there for a moment –Remus and Peter had since caught up with James and I- before James said, "Perhaps she already has a therapist." Then we were all laughing and having a grand old time. And then Remus rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving us to follow. Which we did, but not before we all kicked Snivelus a little.

And now we're back, in the compartment, sitting around and doing nothing. James is staring at himself in the window, Remus is reading the book we'll be reading over the course of this year –he really is a dumbarse, let me tell ya- and Peter is blowing spit bubbles and watching them slide down the window. And I'm writing this, getting bored with the process already.

Ugh, why did I allow myself to get this hairbrained idea?

…

I've never said that before. I must be loosing my touch.

…

Naaaaaaaaaah.

Anyhoobles, I need to change sooooooo, Ima go.

And I'm not going to leave the compartment. Let the little first years that walk past get an eyeful. Might as well make their day.

Yea, I'm _damn_ fine.

**Great Hall  
7:05 PM**

Am I the only one that thinks that Prongs needs to get over his Lily Evans fantasy? I mean, the girl may be nice to look at, but she is obviously some kind of psychotic since she keeps rejecting poor wittle Jamie.

Plus, I rather think she's a lesbian.

Her and that Sofia Meyer are far too close to be "just friends". I swear to Merlin that I walked in on them once in _quite_ the compromising position.

…

Then again, that could've just been a dream bred on loneliness.

Sigh.

I haven't gotten _anything_ since last month when I met that ravishing little Spanish beauty at Diagon Alley. And even then, I only just got a kiss.

…

Damn, I'm undersexed.

No matter, there are plenty of girls at Hogwarts who'd like to be my sex kitten. And since it _is_ my last year, I intend on partaking in my fair share of lady loving.

And first one I take care of will be that oddly alluring Pippa Rightwing.

…

…

…

…

…

…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Just kidding. Diane Lewandowski is looking mighty fine tonight, and Merlin knows I've wanted to get with her since forever. All I'll have to do is work my magic and soon enough she'll be eating out of the palm of my hand.

And maybe something else.

…

Heh, winking is fun.

Though slightly hard to put on paper.

No matter. I'll find a way. I always do.

**Boys Domitory  
12:13 AM**

It seems as if mine and James' little stunt on the train earned us a detention. It's only for two weeks, sadly, but it's still a nice start to the school year. Who knows, maybe this year I'll learn to repent my ruthless, self-centered ways and teach myself to be a better person.

…

Hah, and James'll finally get with Evans.

Man, I am _funny_.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Sirius is, sadly, J.K Rowlings, but the whole premise going on here about Sirius and Pippa is mine. ALL MINE! TAKE THAT COPYWRITERS!

**Author's Notes:** Hiya! Here I am, updating something is _not _Diaries. But instead, it is a companion piece to the thing that has been my life here on so I've only won halfway. Eh, no matter.

So, what'd ya guys think? Did ya love it, hate it, be apathetic towards it? Are you going to put it on your Fav's list, or straight into the "Never Look at Again" cabinate in your mind, much like you had to do with that naked picture of your Great Aunt Frenchie? Anyhoobles, I'd really like to know what you think, so drop me a line. 'Cause if you like it I'll keep it up and continue updating, but if you hate it I'll deleat it and pretend like it was never written.

And just so you know, this will be updated at a slower pace than Diaries, just 'cause that's mainly what I'm interested in now.

Also, if you were confused about this whole thing, then I suggest you read Diaries of a Siriusly Skewed Individual. It basically tells you everything you need to know.

And if you have read Diaries and want to know what the Hell I was smoking, then I must tell you that I wasn't quite expecting this myself.

And as always, I love you, and ignore the mistakes. ('Cause we all know they're there.)

**Melissa**


	2. Chapter 2

**September 2  
Common Room  
****Some time that is ungodly and should not have been allowed to be invented **

So I just had the single most vividly erotic dream of my entire life.

Basically, it was me and some girl on a bed doing what I like to call "Hot Sweaty Sex". It was odd because I could see it as if I was floating up on the top of the ceiling –insert corny flying/broomstick joke here- but I could feel it like I was doing it too. It was weird, but hot, and I wouldn't mind having a dream much like it again. However, just as I leaned in to kiss the faceless woman's ear I realized it was none other than…

Peter!

…

That disgusted, scandalized, dizzy, drunken, loss of sex drive forever and ever feeling you're experiencing right now? Yea, I felt it too.

In fact, I screamed. A very manly scream, and only in my dream, but I screamed nonetheless.

I think that tells you something about my sexuality. THAT I AM AS STRAIGHT AS A…ER… SOMETHING VERY STRAIGHT. (I'm apparently not very good at analogies this early in the morning.)

And if you don't believe me, then take this next bit to heart.

PETER TURNED INTO PIPPA RIGHTWING.

Yea.

…

So put that in your pipe and smoke it, bitch. 'Cause Sirius Black is straight and LIKES WOMEN SO MUCH THAT HE WANTS THEM IN BED AND NOT UGLY, FAT FRIENDS LIKE PETER PETTIGREW.

…

OK, I'm not really being fair. It's not Peter's fault that he has a slow metabolism. But it is his fault that he likes to eat custards more than some beef or some other manly type of food. Er…

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that I had a dream about Pippa Rightwing, and since I've decided to write every meaningless detail about my last year at Hogwarts, this is the first step. So…

Yea.

…

Gonna go step into the shower now.

And avoid Peter for the rest of the day.

'Cause while I know _I'm _not gay, I'm not so sure about Peter. He always did have a strange attachment to his mother. And pink things. And he's never really dated. Though that just might be attributed to his sheer unattractiveness than anything else. I mean, _I_ wouldn't do him.

…

Even though we've established that I am in fact NOT gay, so mostly my point is moot.

…

I really do smell like ass. I need to SHOOOOOOOOOWER.

**9:03 AM**

I nicked myself shaving today.

**Great Hall  
9:17 AM**

So I'm sitting down to eat when I look over by the Slytherin table and see Severino glaring and sneering and being basically an overwhelming bastard to a certain Ravenclaw. So me being me I throw a large roll over at the smarmy ponce.

It hit his porridge.

And it splashed up on his robes.

And then I laughed.

…

Hmm, I see Pippa is staring at me. Is it because I look absolutely smashing today? I know I do because as I was walking down here several girls giggled and pointed to me as I passed.

I think one girl might have even swooned.

If that doesn't point to me being a stud, I have no idea WHAT does.

Speaking of studliness, Pippa is staring at me. All… hotly interested.

…

I just winked and said "Thank you". She probably has NO idea what I'm thanking her for. Probably thinks I'm thanking her for beating the crap out of Snapey-poo's fingers. When in all actuality, I'm thanking her for the sexy dream.

Mmmm…

…

…

So Remus just slapped me upside the head and said, "When are you going to grow up?"

I responded with a sardonic lift of my head. "Never."

And then he just sighed and went all withdrawn werewolf on me.

…

Eh, whatever.

**Transfiguration Classroom  
****11:03 AM**

Whoever invented rolling up the top of skirts to make it shorter should be made into a god and honored on a regular basis.

Legs! I love LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEGS!

**11:04 AM**

Unless, of course, it was invented by some man in a kilt who dearly loved his hairy legs.

…

Crazy Scots.

Isn't it enough that they eat haggis and speak with a heavy accent that it takes an interpreter to understand them? CAN'T THEY JUST LEAVE THEIR BLOODY HAIRY LEGS OUT OF THE EQUATION?

…

I think I may have overreacted there for a moment. Excuse me.

**Great Hall  
1:30 PM**

You know, it has just occurred to me as I stare at Pippa that if I hadn't seen her 'hidden beauty' before now, maybe there are OTHER girls out there that have beauty that is yet to be discovered.

AND MAYBE I HAVE JUST BEEN TOO BLIND TO FIND THEM YET.

**1:36 PM**

Nope, seems Pippa was the only one.

Speaking of Pippa, did you know that that name means 'lover of horses'?

I find this to be a good fact to know, as I am somewhat of a horse myself.

In the pantal region, I mean.

I do not have a large noise and am covered in thick hair.

Much like Severino.

…

HaHA!

…

Ew. Pippa and Severus.

That's gross.

But also oddly hilarious. Especially considering how he seems to think she's a man. And he doesn't like her nether bits hanging above his head. If I were him –thank MERLIN that I'm not though. Yeesh, I think I just broke out into hives.- I would find that to be the highlight of my life.

Unless, of course, I was gay.

…

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

SEVERUS SNAPE IS GAY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

…

…

…

Snort.

…

…

Ah, bloody hell, that was some good shit.

**Common Room  
8:56 PM**

So I just saw the single most entertaining thing of my entire life.

James just went over to work his manly wiles on a certain Lily Evans, and do you know what she did?

SHE ENDED UP KNOCKING A CHAIR INTO HIS 'NETHER BITS'.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

….

Etcetera, Etcetera.

Oh, what a blow to James's manhood.

In more than one way.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

…

Tee Hee.

Oh, man, am I having good dreams TONIGHT.

…

Although hopefully they won't involve me and James in a compromising position as my last dream did –only with me and Peter- since I'm pretty sure I'll vomit if it does.

Because then it WILL mean that all men want me.

And I'm not sure I can live up to that kind of pressure.

'Cause while I can turn women on in a drop of a hat –they think my snorting is _endearing_. Mostly I just find it annoying- men are interested in scratching balls and chugging butterbeers and burping.

And really, while I might find those things fine and dandy, they really do have their place.

And I'm sure you wouldn't be too surprised to learn that when I'm turning someone on, those aren't exactly what I'm interested in doing.

If you know what I mean.

…

Wink.

…

Yea, winking is still hard to do on paper.

…

Eh, whatever.

* * *

**September 3  
****Great Hall  
****9:07 AM**

I must say that flustering a certain Ravenclaw is really rather entertaining.

I just walked past her and said I'd like to see her ass tonight, and she just blushed and went back to eating her oatmeal.

And now she's smacking herself upside the head.

Isn't that cute?

**9:08 AM**

I don't think I've ever referred to anything as 'cute' before.

…

Does that somehow make me less of a man?

**Transfiguration Classroon  
11:10 AM**

Speaking of cute, you will be happy to know that I didn't dream of James, but rather a certain short Ravenclaw with huge lips.

Huge lips that know their way around a man's-

**Great Hall  
****1:32 PM**

McGonagall is an evil WENCH.

I was just getting to the good bit when she swooped down and started yelling at me about transfigurating my parrot into a couch and table set.

…

Needless to say, I turned my couch into a bed complete with a machine that causes the bed to vibrate for my pleasure.

Since my brain is already in the gutter, might as well jump in there all the way. Don't you think?

…

Yes, I rather thought you would. However, McGonagall didn't feel the same way. I was then punished with polishing the tables that everyone transfigured for the rest of the period.

No matter. I've got a better detention coming later on tonight.

Not only do I get to spend it with my bestestest best friend Jamesiepoo, but I also get to spend it making out with my new lust object.

Yea, YEA.

**Common Room  
****11:09 PM**

So I think I was getting a bit ahead of myself when I said I was going to make out with Pippa tonight.

'Cause I rather think she hates me.

…

Yes, yes, I know. If I wasn't happening to me, I might think you were off your rocker if you thought that some girl hated me. But, alas, you –I? Me? What?- would be mistaken.

Let me explain.

I got to my detention a few seconds later than I was supposed to, and McGonagall the Undersexed said we would have to stay an extra half an hour to compensate. I found out that we would be sorting books in the library sans magic. Not the hardest of things to accomplish since James and I had nicked Peter and Remus' wands to make the job go by quicker and in a more fun fashion.

(Essentially, we threw hexes at each other all night. And it was gooood.)

Well, the entire time this was going down, Pippa kept shooting us these little looks of pure evil –i.e. the girlfriend death glare. She's got it down pat, which is odd considering how she's not even my girlfriend and I'm not flirting with her best friend- and muttering under her breath.

And these things weren't exactly fit her image of nice purity, if you know what I mean.

No, not THOSE kinds. The evil kind. Like, "I want to cut off his happy place and shove it in an oven and then burry it in the middle of the Forbidden Forrest" kind of things. Not the, "I want to strip him naked and have my wanton way with him" kind.

Sigh.

…

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, the sorting of the books.

Right, well, I was just finished sorting the books that were to go to the Restricted Section –there was one in the pile called _Make Him an Animal in Bed_ that had me thinking prurient thoughts until I realized that it literally meant turning the man into an animal while in the height of passion. If anyone turns me into a bat, I'm getting the _hell_ out of there, you hear me? No matter how hot the chick is. 'Cause I don't want wings, understand me? I DON'T WANT WINGS- and I went into the section to hand Pippa the books. Only…

Well…

She was up on the ladder. In a skirt. A short skirt. A short skirt that showed off her lovely 'nether bits' in a pair of white panties.

…

Yea, it was good. So good, in fact, that I ended up looking up there for a while. Only once I was done –not that I was _done_, per say. I don't think I could _ever_ be done at looking at such a lovely arse- me, being me, I had to go and say something.

I think what I ended up saying was, "You know, I don't see what Sevvy Poo was going on about. I think you have very nice nether bits."

Only instead of giving me a look that said she appreciated me saying her arse was one of the best I'd ever seen, she went bloody psychotic and started squeaking and screaming and being a… well, a bit of a _prude_, actually.

Nest thing I know, the ladder she's on is about to topple over, and the only thing I can think of is that that lovely arse of hers was going to land on the hard floor and be permanently damaged. So then I yelled something about her being a daft cow and that she needed to jump.

Which she did, with alacrity.

…

Things got a bit out of hand after that.

I mean, I did the gentlemanly thing and caught her. Only as I did so, I tripped over my shoelace and ended up falling into one of the bookshelves.

…

Which then knocked into another bookshelf.

And then another.

And then, just for good measure, the rest of the Restricted Section.

…

Yea, when I came to –I think I may have hit my head on my way down- I was surrounded by books screaming much like Pippa did not a few moments before and McGonagall standing over me looking like she'd just been ravished and very put out that the said ravishing had been stopped by my tomfoolery.

But instead of cursing me for perhaps stopping her from finally getting rid of her spinster status, she just asked "Miss Rightwing" what happened.

And then Pippa went on into this long rambling sentence that included the words "bum", "nether bits" and "savvy poo".

…

It wasn't until this happened that I realized I had my hand on her arse.

…

Unfortunately, McGonagall noticed as well, and apparently since she's not allowed to get any, neither am I. Because the next thing I know, Pippa and I are being sentenced to two more months of detention.

…

DAMN KNOWLEDGE. IT'S ALWAYS GETTING MY WHEN I'M DOWN. (Literally.)

Anyways, after her little outburst, McGonagall the Undersexed nodded and stormed out of the room with James in tow.

When she was gone, Pippa and I just kind of looked at each other. And it was at this moment that I got the horrible feeling that I actually -kind of, maybe, sort of, just a little- _liked _Pippa.

Odd, considering how I a) don't even _know_ her, and b) have never really liked _anyone_ before. You know, besides for sex.

…

Needless to say, I had to get the hell out of there. So I said something about cleaning up, and then I whipped out Peter's wand and put away half of the mess. And then I started walking out of there.

Then I heard her say something along the lines of her being indignant, and Merlin's beard, I wanted to go over there and clean up her side of the mess and beg for her forgiveness while doing so.

…

THAT IS NOT LIKE ME AT ALL.

However, being flip and droll is, so I said instead, "Sorry Cupcake, but I've got places to go and people to see. I'm sure you understand." And then I walked out of the library.

But not before I saw Dumbledore sneaking out of there as well.

…

…

Am I the only one that thinks Cupcake fits Pippa perfectly? I mean, she's small and sweet and probably very fun to eat.

…

DAMMIT.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Since I own a shrine to the hotness that is Sirius Black, I think I can state with all clarity that I own Harry Potter. ... No? Oh, well, OK. 

**Author's Notes:** Hmm, yes, so I've finally posttest again. It's short and fragmented and only kind of conveys what the hell Sirius is going through at this particular moments in time but, meh, whatever. Pippa's story is really the important one –haha, in that one they've KISSED. Yea, yea!- and this is kind of just to get some ideas on what he's thinking at some key moments in their relationship.

For those of you that have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, check out _**Diaries of a Sirius Skewed Individual** _which is Pippa's side of this little love story and is INFINITELY more entertaining.

In my opinion.

And since I'm the author, I think mine is the only one that matters.

Hmm, yes, and if you could ignore the typos, I'd heart you forever. 'Cause I'm between betas a this time, and I'm too lazy to check more than once. Plzkthnx.

**Melissa**


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